"What may be true, I say not yes or no"

Well, in times of sorrow, the internet provides succor. An entire Shakespearean take on The Big Lebowski:

THE KNAVE A care-crazed father of a many children; it is a wise father that knows his own child. An excellent list for a man of no doubt excellent issue. BRANDT An amiable jest! Nay, I’d call’d his children his, but they come not of his loins, thou understand’st. THE KNAVE A cuckold, he? BRANDT A most subtle jest! Nay, but children of the inner city, of good promise, resolved to study but without the means. My lord resolves that they will all attend the university.